Commitment is a portal inwards. Through commitment, we meet ourselves more deeply. The thing we are committing to—whether a place to live, a romantic relationship, a job, a big decision, or anything else that requires us to forego a set of intangible options for a singular tangible one—is nothing more than a canvas for us to create a deeper commitment to ourselves through.
the novelty of commitment
I've noticed that most people who struggle with commitment seem to think that it represents the death of novelty, optionality, and expansiveness. That when you commit, you stop trying new things—you cease to explore. But the secret about commitment is: it offers everything that optionality promises, but with more depth and dimension. When we commit to something, we allow ourselves to surrender and feel safe within our commitment. Through commitment, we expand deeper into our feelings, because we are given a container to relax into, to fill entirely, that lets us explore ourselves with more vigour and curiosity.
Commitment simply refines the spectrum of novelty we experience. When we refuse to commit to anything, our life ends up being a giant swirl of chaos, options, and loose ends. So much so that we hardly enjoy these new experiences, because we're not fully present for them. We're always preoccupied with the next one, with how we are going to land on our feet when we thrust ourselves from this moment into a new pocket of stimulation. The lack of stability bred through the constant pursuit of optionality ends up being a distraction from the 'benefits' we looked to novelty for in the first place. It's easy to think that through novelty, we get to know ourselves deeper. Which is true—to a point. There are only so many layers within ourselves that we can access by existing in a constantly changing, never stable internal world. Through novelty, we gain breadth. We notice how we react in different situations, what we are like when experiencing new people, places, things. But through commitment, we gain depth. We notice what happens when we need to sit with something, even when it's making us uncomfortable. We notice how we act when we want to escape ourselves, but remain tethered to our commitment. Or in other words, through commitment, we deepen inwards. This is the entire aim of commitment: to sink into something, to let yourself fully surrender. When we refuse to do this, we end up contracting our ability to be at ease within ourselves. By avoiding commitment, we end up in a state of self-avoidance.
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