Making this film has been so tough and I always pretend that it is easy to have a career but also be a working mother in a nuclear set up and deal with interrupted sleeps and creative challenges but its not and there are times you just give up. Like though I try to be particular with my happiness and fitness last 15 days I have not taken any care at all.
And its such a quicksand - you stop for a week and it takes all the more efforts to get back on your feet.
The other is challenges for travel for work. In mumbai everything is 3 hours to and fro combined for me. And to have any participation at work I have to do so many mental maths and planning.
And then I wonder if other single or married men have those challenges. I am sure they would have but just when I compare the flexibility that is available to your dad and me I know its different.
I want to be a trailblazer but I also want other women to know that they can look uncool - cleaning their kids diapers, breast feed and still make their first film. I want other investors to know and believe when they see a sort of overweight faded beauty kinda woman walk to them asking for work after haven't being able to work for last 2 years because they were raising a tiny human, they better fucking pay up, I want other young coworkers to know that if your director doesn't fit the mythology of a sexy brooding male director but is a clumsy mom figuring her way through this darkness you better realize that the project you are working on is the best fucking project of your life.
I want my representation because through me and many such women like me - other women would know they can go beyond surviving. They can win.
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